My fifth month!

Turquoise is my color, at least that's what my mom says. This month I saw a pretty lake that was turquoise (mom says it was called Hanging Lake), and there was this neat waterfall feeding the lake that made pretty cool splashing sounds. Take a look at the picture with Appa (my dad) in the middle below - and also note the fun turquoise dog hat I have on. See, cute, right? Oh and splashing sounds I found out are both cool to hear and really fun to make. My first time in a pool (it was pretty hot actually, and a little salty to boot), I figured out how to splash with my hands and make the fun sounds. Later that night my mom was giving me a massage and talking about our day, and she made the fun verbal sounds of 'splish splash', which as it turns out are also fun to say, so I had to just laugh.

But back to colors. I also think orange is pretty cool. I have this one cozy orange shirt that my mom tells me says "Daddy's little turkey." I wore it on this one day where we drove for a bit, and then were at a house (which I am pretty sure I had been to before) where a ton of people were (mom says more than two dozen, but I haven't learned to count that high yet). We hung out for a bit, then I got to eat, then everyone got in a circle and held hands and talked about being thankful, and then everyone else ate for a long time.

Brown definitely has its place though (beyond just going well with orange). As a backdrop, it is beautiful, especially when it is made of millions (maybe billions, but I definitely haven't learned to count that high yet) of tiny particles, which mom calls sand. We drove for a longer time than the thanks-giving day drive, and spent some time hiking and being around big sand dunes. Mostly I slept while being carried up the dune by Appa, but at the top (okay, two-thirds of the way to the bigger top), I got out and was able to kick my feet in the sand. This felt good. No wonder there are all these sand boxes around town at parks!

So if you know me, you know that I like lights. Looking at small ones and colored ones, looking at strings of them, or single ones. There was one night this month where I was at a party at Appa's house for the festival of lights (mom tells me it is called Diwali). Naturally, the light part I liked a lot. The part I didn't like so much was the incense. Everyone hopes I get used to this, so they don't have to cuddle me outside in the cold when it smells too strongly of incense inside.

Now another thing that you probably know if you know me is that I like to swing. In the sari swing for sure and in the electric swing that has circling elephants on top of it. What I found out this month is that there are swings outside! They are really relaxing. And mom says we are having a warm fall - on the second of December we were outside at the park and it was 60 degrees. She says this is unusually warm; I like that we can go to the nearby park and swing!

When we went on my first big trip (the one to the salty pool near the turquoise lake), mom figured out that Nastja played the piano, so we pulled out the keyboard at home. So now that means I get to hear sounds when I bang my hands. I think this is fun, and who knows where it may lead tomorrow.

I started noticing a few unusual things this month. First, sometimes walls are just walls (relatively plain and boring), but other times they look like me - responding and smiling when I do. These fun walls intrigue me - as I move my hand, so do they. They can be more responsive than some of my baby friends, who look a little stunned when I reach out to them. The other unusual thing I noticed this month has to do with when the sun comes up: at those times (just after waking up and hanging out with mom, nursing and eating), there is a slightly darker version of me on the walls. This isn't quite as similar to me as the responsive wall, but it still moves when I move. It takes on strange shapes sometimes though, and can be on a rounded lamp shade or a flat wall. I'll report back as I learn more about this.

Oh yeah, one of the other things I figured out this month is that people come and go through doors. Sometimes those doors are big ones (like the front door), and I see new people coming in who have been gone for a while. Other times the doors are actually open and are just openings into another space that people use to come and go. Or cats. Coming is much preferred.

Finally, guess what? My name is Kavi! I like it, and I like when mom or Appa or Nastja says it out loud. It makes me smile.

Here is a photo collage of my fifth month that mom put together.

My fourth month!

I had some pretty grand adventures this month. First and foremost, I found my toes - these are way cool! My mom tells me that when she does yoga, they call it "Happy Baby" pose. I just think it is really fun. And you know what? Occasionally I can actually put my toes in my mouth!

Oh wait, actually even better is that I figured out how to push up on my legs and stand for a bit (well, I still need some help to hold on to my mom's hands, or have her hold my body a bit, but I do the pushing up bit). This is so fun - you get to see more than you do from sitting, and a ton more than from lying down. Then sometimes my mom picks me up and lifts me even higher when I push up on my legs. It is really cool.

My mom and dad (appa) took me up high to the continental divide (I think they said it was Trail Ridge Road). They pointed out some cool mountains in the distance (Long's Peak?), but I can't quite see that far yet, so I will have to take their word for it. Truth be told, it was a little chilly up there, especially getting my diaper changed in the unheated rest rooms. But the big horn sheep were neat, and I heard the elk bugling. Plus, now we have these cushy soft finger puppets at home to play with, and I like those a bunch.

I went to a pumpkin patch on a beautiful fall day, and there were a bunch of big orange things about my size that mom sat me up against. It gets a little confusing because sometimes mom calls me 'pumpkin,' but I think that was what she called the big orange things too.

Oh and there was this very cool party with a ton of other little faces (and bodies) like mine - us little ones were doing pretty great being carried around for most of the party, but then there was this time where our parents sat us up in a line against a couch. Apparently we looked absurdly cute, but some of us (well, most of us) haven't learned to sit straight yet, so when one started leaning, then the rest followed suit. It was actually pretty funny if you weren't sandwiched in the middle (I wasn't).

During many days (the weekdays my mom says), Nastja takes care of me for much of the day. While I still really love my swing (and taking naps in it), we get out for long walks often, take baths every few days, and play a bunch. She even made me a snowman with a carrot nose and twig arms when it snowed! Mom comes home for lunch almost every day and we play a bit. And Appa comes over every day to play with me too. A lot of his words sound a little different (mom says they are Tamil), and I think this means something pretty cool for me in the future.

Oh yeah, there is this other great thing I figured out - I get a massage every night, and I think all I have to do is smile and laugh sometimes when my mom is massaging the bottoms of my feet or my thighs. Done deal!

Ok, finally there was this pretty weird adventure a few days ago. About a week ago, my mom and friends carved those big orange things and lit some candles to put in them. Then it was my turn to go to the changing table and put on a new outfit. Which apparently was a ridiculously cute one that matched animals that are a theme in my room - I think my mom said it was an elephant (not quite sure what those are yet, but I am definitely finding out some day).

I like being four months old! Here is a collage that mom put together:

Kavi's third month!

Today Kavi turns three months old. It is so beautiful to see him growing. He is a very happy kid. Every morning when I wake up with him, after hearing him squirm a little and trying to get out of his swaddle, each of these mornings when I move my face in front of him he looks at me with his big dark eyes and long eyelashes and gives me a killer smile. When I free him from his swaddle, his arms are up! And then he knows it is time to get up. After nursing (and following up with a bottle), he starts his cute playful sounds, gives me his big big smiles, and lately pushes up on his legs, which turn into big jumps (aided by my arms).

We celebrate the many many firsts of life. His first real smile (around 5 weeks old), followed by many many more. Kavi's first laugh (when he was 2.5 months old) was so fun. Yesterday morning as I was changing him into his clothes for the day, playing with him, and giving him a kiss on his tummy, he gave me the best reward - more laughs that are just so cute. Huh-huh-huh and his head goes back a bit. Kavi's first rollover (at 4 weeks!) was fun (and unexpected) - now with months of practice when he is put on his tummy he flips almost instantly (he hasn't learned to roll back to front yet). There was the first time he wore pants, and the first time he wore shorts. His first restaurant (at least I made it half way through the sandwich before heading out to nurse). The first time he was in the carrier face-out, ready to observe the world and dance along with the African singing class (Tu Man Ge Le!). The first time he slept for 6 hours straight (luckily around Week 7 of his life). The first time he grasped the ring on his play gym, and the first time he shook his rattle. His first hike (near NCAR), and the second, and third, and fourth, and ...

A friend once said that you always think that your children are the cutest at that very moment, and I have found it to be true. When Kavi was born he was the most beautiful and cute and handsome kid. And every day since then he gets cuter (I may be biased).

In his third month, Kavi has gone from his first sitting in the bright blue Bumbo chair, his head a little wobbly to sitting in it comfortably (sometimes relaxed with his arms on the sides like an arm chair). In his three little months, Kavi has found his hands, and gone from moving them at random to now 'considering' things as he clasps his hands, or purposely sucking on them to self soothe. He now reaches for my face, finding a nose or a cheek. He follows things smoothly. You can almost see the connections being made in his brain, as you present him with a movement pattern for a while, then change it and see his reactions.

We have settled into many fun routines. Bedtime ones and changing ones (singing 'one snap dooown, two snaps to goooo'). Bath-time ones (he loves the sound of running water and getting his hair shampooed). Nursing ones (it really does get much better over time). Reading and singing in the glider at night (we usually start reading with 'Sophie's World' about the history of philosophy, then finish with singing a nature-inspired version of Hush Little Baby). Dancing to favorite songs; some of his favorites are "Feeling good today," "This is the way we make the love grow," and "I am happy" (you guessed it, Snatam Kaur again).

Kavi's au pair Nastja from Germany (and Russia) arrived a few weeks ago, and I have had three days back at work. After a first somewhat rough day (the first time we were ever apart), the next days have gone much better (coming home to see him at lunch time is great!). I get all excited driving home from work, ready to see my little handsome guy. Holding, dancing, nursing, reading, singing, smiling, laughing, and loving await.

Below is a photo collage of Kavi's lovely third month in the world. I thank God every day for Kavi.

Kavi's second month

Today, Kavi turns two months old - here is a photo summary of his second month of life!

Kavi's first month

Here is a photo summary of Kavi's first month of life!

And here is a collage from Kavi's eighth day:

Kavi's arrival!

Giving birth to my son Kavi was a pretty intense gateway to pass through. It was the end of the nine months of transformation that occurred, turning me into a mama. When Kavi came into the world, it was on his ultrasound-predicted ‘due date,’ which is something not may babies do (only around 5 percent). But Kavi was punctual, waiting patiently until I finished working (through the end of June), until his dad Ram arrived from India (on July 1), and until Kavi felt it was right. The labor itself was pretty long, clocking in around  70 hours (around 29 hours of active labor), starting with contractions that I knew would lead somewhere (early labor) in the wee early morning hours of Sunday, July 1, moving into ‘active labor’ where I had to moan to make it through a contraction around 6 pm on Monday, July 2, and culminating in Kavi’s first breaths (and cries) at 10:43 pm on Tuesday, July 3. He weighed 8 lbs and 2 oz, and was 20.5 inches long.

Over the months preceding the event, I had prepared in many ways. I took a great birth class. I packed my bags (about six weeks ahead of time) to include white Christmas lights, special scents, my ipod (with a special playlist) and speakers, a birthing outfit, and an expensive soft nightgown that was nursing-friendly. I put together a collage representing Surrender and Awe and Intention and Love, traits I hoped to bring into my labor. I put together a great support team including my best friend from forever, a team of doulas to help coach me through things, a team of midwives who had followed me through my pregnancy (checking all of the things you check along the way including blood tests, iron levels, blood pressure, periodic ultrasounds to check Kavi’s growth and the like). I read Henci Goer’s “A Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth” and watched the Business of Being Born and Born in the USA. I made and printed copies of my birthing preferences, which included things like not being asked to evaluate my pain on a 1-10 scale and to have as natural a birth as possible. I had multiple visits with my doulas to talk through the birth, picking a ‘code phrase’ that I could use if I really wanted an  epidural (if I didn’t use the code phrase, all other requests for pain relief would be ignored). I took my evening primrose oil for weeks to soften my cervix, I drank my pregnancy tea for weeks, I took the late pregnancy tonic, I did acupuncture (including a little bit of electronic stimulation), I had a massage. I talked to my mama friends about their birth experiences. I went on walks. I ate spicy food. And of course I planned in all the ways you plan for a new little person coming home to live with you: reading a bunch, preparing Kavi’s room, getting the car seat installed, and planning financially to take three months off to dedicate to him and us. I was READY!

However, nothing can really make you ready for the true pain of giving birth. And I even knew a little something about pain, having experienced freezing of part of my bones (toes) about seven years earlier. During much of my long labor, I felt pretty good, recording contractions (until I went into the hospital) faithfully (and yes, plotting their progress over two days in excel), breathing and moaning through the contractions as they got harder. During early labor, I passed the time with friends walking along the creek path, seeing a few movies (it took two days), and eating spicy foods. As active labor began in the early evening of the 2nd, I decided it was time to get takeout for the doula-suggested eggplant parmesan. Much of initial active labor I spent sitting on my comfy couch (lying down hurt a lot more), listening to my eight-hour mix of Snatam Kaur, dancing to just one song ‘Servant of Peace,’ which includes the beautiful prayer of St. Francis of Assisi:

Lyrics to ‘Servant of Peace’
Aad Sach, Jugaad Sach
True in the beginning, True thoughout the ages
Haibhay Sach, Nanak Hosee Bhay Sach
True here and now, O Nanak, God shall forever be True

Prayer of St Francis of Assisi:
Lord, make me an instrument of Thy Peace;
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

Oh Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
It is in dying that we are born into eternal life.

---

Throughout my labor, I received awesome support along the way, particularly from my doula who knew the exact right places to both help labor along and to ease the pain of a contraction. Another supporting doula arrived with homeopathic remedies to help labor along. Later another doula would help using visualization. When I got to the hospital on Tuesday morning around 10:30 am, I was 5 cm dilated and 90 percent effaced, which was pretty good - as my midwife Shaunti said, “we’d like you to stay and have a baby today.” The late morning and afternoon went well - I had found my main way of getting through a contraction was to breath and release a low, grounding moaning sound through them. Opening up to around 7 cm took several more hours, with increasing intensity and focus needed.

Transition itself (the last two centimeters of dilation of the cervix from 8 to 10 cm) was an entirely different world, where the challenges were many: surrendering to the opening your uterus is going for is counter-intuitive to the accompanying pain, which makes you want to tighten up and resist. Then there is a pretty big mental game going on, where the mind thinks ‘oh this person and that person and the other person got epidurals,‘ testing my resolve to avoid pain relievers.   

My code phrase for when I really wanted an epidural was derived from another time in my life that was up to that point the most physical pain I had been in: when I had frostbite on my toes from surviving the night in a snow ‘cave’ at 24,500 feet climbing Shishapangma in Tibet. Eventually at Advanced Base Camp when my toes re-warmed they were so painful that I couldn’t walk down to Base Camp, so I paid $50 to ride a donkey down. Hence my chosen code word was ‘I need a donkey.’

The only thing not purely natural about Kavi’s birth was that Shaunti broke my bag of waters after not progressing beyond 7 cm after several hours spent in the tub. This put extra pressure on my cervix to open up, and also led to quite a bit more pain.

Transition was by far the hardest part of bringing Kavi into the world. It was raw and real and tough. It was painful. I spent about half of it on my knees on the bed, leaning on the back of the bed (which transforms magically into almost any shape you want it to be), surrounded by five awesome women (two doulas, one midwife, one best friend, and one nurse). Some were there to offer hands to grip tightly (not worrying about some bruising). Some were there to apply counter pressure on my hips to help ease the pain. Some were there to bring ice water or ice chips to my lips between contractions. Many were there to moan with me, guiding me into a lower moan when I would start an octave too high. They were there to growl with me through a contraction. They were there to hear my loud moaning and cursing and praying and even sometimes crying and requests for help and relief (which, as they never were the code words, were ignored as previously agreed upon). Contractions would come and last and when they were going down, even though it was a short-lived period, my support team was there to remind me to relax as I could. The second half of transition was spent using the squat bar (another great transformation of the magical hospital bed). Transition was just plain hard. It lasted a long two hours or so (from 8 to 10 pm). But eventually the time had come for pushing - I had made it through the hard part, and as I had wanted, I made it through without pain relief!

Pushing itself was almost fun in comparison. Yes it was still very uncomfortable, but the mental challenge of not knowing how far away pushing would be was gone, as was the control and decision making aspects of ‘do I give in or not.’ And there were slightly longer breaks between pushes, even if there was Kavi’s head in my pelvis supplying constant pressure during the breaks. The best and exciting part was knowing that Kavi was really about ready to come out and I could meet him face to face. I remember the feeling of his head slowly making its way further into the world, and then the feeling of roundness changing as I felt his nose - closer! After 45 minutes of pushing (a part of my labor that was shorter than average), Kavi was born at 10:43 pm! He was 8 lbs and 2 oz, and was 20.5 inches long.

Welcome Kaviarasan Ram Hovland to the world! You are my poet king, and my love.

My second international trip

I like to get out there. My second international trip was to Italy at the end of March. My mom had wanted to visit Rome, Vatican City, and Siena for a while, so we made a trip there when I was around 26 weeks (counting inside mom of course). We even made it up to Venice. It was a lovely trip, with a good mix of history, spirituality, friendship, and beauty. Here are a few photos in Vatican City, the Colosseum, Trevi fountain, Assisi, and Siena.